Like many webheads, I rely on the kindness and cruelty of virtual strangers who write reviews of practically everything sold online. They may non posses specialized knowledge of the stuff they critique. They may be hopped upward on unreal expectations or may only have spent money on something because they got it one-half-off from Groupon. But they're besides simply regular users like me. For better or worse they've democratized consumer reports, simply they've likewise made reviews entertaining equally hell.

Nowhere has funnier reviews than Amazon, the world's largest online retailer. In function, information technology'south due to the absurd assortment of products yous can buy–from a Star Wars jacket to a toy airdrome security checkpoint for children to a rubberized testicular exam model, Snooki's book, and even uranium ore. It's served as inspiration for scads of reviewers, who accept elevated product criticism into a crowd-sourced art class.

Here are some favorites:

ane. Employ The Farce

Life Completely Changed rated the jacket 5 stars and Amazon singled his out as being "the most helpful favorable review:" "I used to be an unemployed movie theatre conductor but that all changed when I bought this jacket. Now I'm an unemployed cinema usher with one of these jackets."
Fred also gave information technology v stars, calling information technology a "Brilliant Product!" "I was actually given this jacket equally a nowadays after having destroyed a decease star. I accept found that it has given me miraculous powers that i couldn't take dreamed of! I am able to move objects and even people merely by thinking about it! Bang-up for doing chores effectually the house!"

Justin T. Schmidt "DataScream" from Bryan, OH, panned information technology, noting that it "does not come up with pocket protector, or spare nobility … If you're a whiny, blond, teenage farmer, this jacket is for you. However you'll exist forever banished to the 'friend zone' by every girl yous come across, or worse, the 'brother zone.' Simply you'll e'er take Yavin!"

2. Lego Your Freedom …

The product description from the manufacturer says, "The woman traveler stops past the security checkpoint. Subsequently placing her luggage on the screening machine, the airdrome employee checks her baggage. The traveler hands her spare alter and watch to the security guard and proceeds through the metal detector. With no fourth dimension to spare, she picks up her luggage and hurries to board her flight!"

Hither'southward what reviewers said:

M. McKnight gave it three stars, noting, "This toy would be a lot more realistic with about 350 people standing in line for an average of an hour. It yet makes a nice set with the interrogation room."

Gwen P. of Douglassville, PA, rated it 5 stars: "What ameliorate way to teach the next generation how to bear in a police land and so with a toy such every bit this? … Retrieve of all the fun the footling folks can have waterboarding those who "hate our freedom."

Others suggested additional accessories such every bit "tiny sets of latex gloves for the security guards" and a matching Guantanamo Bay playset, although to be fair Amazon does sell a toy plastic prison cell as an extension to the Playmobil Police Station. (Actually!)

And the winner is …

Nomma de Pluma "Mofo" rates A Shore Thing 5 stars: "Snooki's debut novel is an oeuvre d'fine art, one that outshines all of the erstwhile greats such as Shakespeare, Melville, Austen, or Pamela Anderson … A coming of historic period tale filled with romance, love, friendship and enlightenment."

R. Casimiro says, "Grate Volume": "I utilize to be Harvard inglish profeser. I reed this bok and now forgot how spel and use inglish. Plot was nyce, had adept story and hot chicks."

Craig Anderson "Mount Man" lauds the author's dialogue that examines "the intricacies of social phenomena unfolding around her" while Samuel Clemens "technocrat believes the "book reads like a field manual for getting lucky anywhere between Long Co-operative and Atlantic Metropolis."

4. Urine Business

Twal from the Uk touts Wolf Urine Lure every bit "i for the cellar." He lauds its "elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose," the "effervescent dewdrop–the whole glass teams with bubbles–culminating in a frothy layer at the head," and notes its
"firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence."

Denice Bee from Detroit, MI gives it 5 stars. "At last, a Wolf Urine that'south easy to use! My laundry has never been so fresh and clean! It removes those hard to remove wolf-crap stains on our Three Wolf Moon shirts… Why scour when Wolf Urine does the work? Get two jugs and share with a friend!"

And the winner is…

5. Completely Nuts

Wendy Sherer ("Cosmetic Guru") from Pittsburgh, PA, writes: "Not only a wonderful teaching model, only while trying to find the tumors, I discovered, it acts as a makeshift stress ball! When I am in line at the grocery shop I only whip out this handy footling bugger and squeeze away [and] the line around me just [disappears]."

Catchy Rick of Satantonio, TX, says, "finally a production I can use." "Who doesn't honey playing with scrotum? I know I practise! So does my wife. But sometimes I accept to leave the house to, I don't know, get to work or purchase groceries and I accept to have my scrotum away from my married woman'southward hands. This fabricated her sad… until At present! Now she has a scrotum to play with when I'm not around. I also notice information technology useful when I feel the need to play with a scrotum other than my own and don't desire to impose on coworkers, friends, family members (I said 'members') or our local priest."

C.H. Risk finds that it "makes a great fashion accessory." "They are a existent lifesaver on the cold winter days, and the ladies get wild for the smooth, polished await."

And the winner is…

6. Business Up Front end, Party In Back

cpc65 (A.One thousand.A. cpc8472) of Pawtucket, RI, claims it'due south "so skillful it has been outlawed in some nations." "Recently leaked CIA files have disclosed that the three American hikers who "unknowingly" and "unintentionally" strayed over the border of Iran were in fact each sporting a Mullet Wig – Black. They remain detained in that country at present despite political pressure and pleas from their families.

The file too hints at a covert rescue performance in the works involving a unmarried Special Forces operative code named "Joe Dirt". Meanwhile as a diversionary tactic, an Air Forcefulness B-ii bomber will carpet bomb Tehran with clones of William Shatner's toupee.

Note: Photo of "model" is actually that of 1 of the hikers and was released to the Associated Press past the government of Iran soon later on his incarceration and interrogation."

Michael S. Harper of Bonita. CA, says, "If you have demand of a mullet wig, this is a good choice."

And the winner is…

7. What A Tool

SAB bought this handheld multiuse tool with 87 implements, co-ordinate to the product description, "to replace the factory toolkit in my 5VY Yamaha R1. First of all, when it was delivered I did not have a forklift to go the darned thing off the truck, and then the truck driver helped me button it off the dorsum. When information technology hit the driveway, information technology left a gimoungus divot in the blacktop."

Silver_diamond2077 threw abroad all his other tools: "my saw , drill, hammer all went in the trash later getting this . it does every thing and yes it'south giant . I used information technology to fix my sink yesterday and today to install a range oven hood. Next i'g going to build a bomb shelter for 2012 with this giant swiss army knife."

L. Barsky gives it five stars, noting that "it comes with a built-in hand truck. My dentist told me he's considering switching over to the Wenger, only isn't sure he tin fit it through the loading door of his part."

Brenton R. Grant III loves its versatility, although "I haven't been able to utilize ours even so. Once my wife found out near the rechargeable rabbit zipper in the knife, I haven't seen either one for a week."

And the winner is…

viii. Ore … Not

Kyle J. Von Bose gave it 5 stars, "glad" that he doesn't "take to buy this from Libyans in parking lots at the mall anymore. "I bought this to ability a dwelling house-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in state-locked lakes effectually my abode boondocks in Alaska … The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was buying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, just at one-half the price! I just promise the seller does not run out, considering I accept many projects on my list including a night vision sasquatch radar, an electromagnetic chupakabra cage, a high velocity, aerial, weighted Mothman net and super heated, instant grill cheese sandwich maker."

Totsubo reports that he bought it as a souvenir for his ex-wife, who received it "in good lodge."

And the winner is…

nine. Carpool, Road Warrior-Style

Thomas Dunham "Los Pepes" of Catonsville, MD gives the Badonkadonk v stars. "I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to exist wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made mortar.

Simply not this baby, no way. This tank R-O-C-G-Due south! Literally the 400-watt sound-arrangement keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I'm dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I but tin't say enough. And the kids dear it, also- imagine the await of terror in the optics of the enemy as I'm dropping off my kid's team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!" It also, he notes, "has plenty of room for groceries."

WelshByrne, on the other hand, was non impressed, giving it i star: "Parking is a nightmare, what with the 12ft bullheaded spot. The principal cannon is totally unsuited to the chore. I attempted to ethnically cleanse my local Greggs the bakers, simply to notice that I had been sent 90mm shells when the barrel is clearly 75mm!!!!"

And the winner is…

x. Magician'due south Lid Non Included

Frazzled from Kent, Great britain, gave it five stars: "My five year old daughter loved this Easter present. She played with it for hours. I'd recommend this to anyone who is struggling to call back of a suitable gift for Easter."

Ruben Romero "BowZzr" of Pacifica, CA, wites, er, writes: "The twick is not so much to catch the wabbit, the twick is to ho'd the wabbit. Wight awm nestoled awound the cervix, elbow below the chin, mitt cwenching the dorsum of the wodent'south head. Weft awm fiwmwy wapped awound the wabbit's waist, ho'ding the body tight to yow torso. And, quickwy, in one viowent twist, you snap the neck.

Sometimes the wabbit volition fwop a widdle on the gwound. Y'all may non have pwopewly sevewed the spinal chord. This is a weal tweat, as a wiving and fuwy mobile wabbit can be dangewous, wascally fifty-fifty: a wiving wabbit with a bwoken neck is hawmless so wong as yous stay abroad fwum the teeth. When I see a wabbit fwopping on the gwound, I wift my widdle boot and cwush its tiny widdle cwanium.

Then the wabbit is quiet. Vewy vewy repose."

And the winner is…

Adam 50. Penenberg is a journalism professor at NYU and a contributing writer to Fast Company. Follow him on Twitter: @penenberg.